I’ve always loved the story of Ruth and Boaz. Not just because it is a story about boldness or love or faithfulness or covenants—but because it’s such a foreshadowing of Jesus in His own family line (Ruth is the great-grandmother of King David). I love it when God gets to write the story. He always tells the best ones, full of surprise and mystery.

It is a wonderful portrayal of what modern dating could look like. (And yes, I know, dating isn’t in the Bible.) Hang in there, and I’ll explain my thoughts.

To get started, read the entire book of Ruth (don’t worry—it’s only four short chapters!).

The Problem with Dating

I think most single Christians who are active in the Church would agree that dating is confusing and complicated. It certainly doesn’t have to be—but from my own experiences, and by watching others fumble through it, it seems like an uphill battle.

Most singles I know would agree that they are dating with the goal of getting married, long to have a life partner, want to start a family someday, and really don’t want to go through life alone. So why are there so many discontent single people in the Church? Why are there so many bad breakups and lousy relationships? Why are we all having such a hard time waiting for the person God set aside for us? If we all say we are on the same page, why aren’t there more anointed marriages?

I think part of the problem is that dating isn’t in the Bible. There’s no cultural road map anymore. Everyone seems to have a different opinion on how long people should date, how they should date, if they should date, and what engagement looks like in the Church.

In the Bible, things were much clearer. If a man wanted to marry a woman, he had to go through the family and offer a bride price. Often the fathers of the groom and bride would arrange the whole betrothal. The groom and bride knew what was expected of them. Now, I don’t really want to go back to being exchanged for a parcel of land, but the clarity sounds nice. Most people seem lost about the right boundaries or pacing today.

Because the Bible was written when women still equaled the price of a few goats, we can’t directly overlay cultural practices then with cultural expectations now. But God’s meaning and intention stay the same. So, it’s important to start with an awareness of the cultural context of the Bible and then use theological principles to apply that context to our lives today—while not taking passages out of their original meaning to suit our needs. The best way to do that is to study and understand the nature of God.

It sounds like a lot of work—but luckily, people have been doing it for centuries. I believe in you!

Listen. God has a specific will for your life and a general will for your life. The Bible speaks into God’s general will for your life: that you would make disciples of all nations, baptize them, and teach them the way of Jesus (Matthew 28:19-20).

Now God’s specific will for your life, like who you should marry, where you should live, and where you should work…that’s not listed in the book of Matthew. Understanding that comes from a life lived in Spirit and in Truth. It comes from seeking God and learning His voice. It comes from obedience.

And this is where a lot of young adults run into trouble. They’re not listening. Or they’ve never been taught how.

This leads me to the book of Ruth. I think it’s a great example of how we can approach all kinds of relationships in a worthy manner: romantic or platonic. If we acted with the same willingness to sacrifice as Ruth and Boaz, I think we would have much better experiences with one another.

Qualities to Cultivate

Both Ruth and Boaz have qualities that we should focus on cultivating in our own lives, even in the twenty-first century. They are honorable people with good reputations and a healthy fear of the Lord. They are willing to sacrifice their own needs, wants, and desires to do the right thing.

Honor

The defining storyline throughout the story of Ruth and Boaz is honor. Ruth honors her mother-in-law, Boaz honors his workers, Ruth honors Boaz, Boaz honors Ruth, and they both honor God by being…honorable.

Ruth, recently widowed, leaves behind her position, wealth, and family to pursue God and take care of Naomi (Ruth 1:16-18). Boaz lets Ruth glean in his fields (collect leftover harvests) so that she and Naomi don’t starve, and so he can keep Ruth safe from being attacked in another field (Ruth 2: 8-9). Boaz buys a whole field he doesn’t need, because he’s already wealthy, just to secure the marriage with Ruth—and fulfill the role of kinsman-redeemer (Ruth 4: 7-12).

Here’s a key takeaway: Are you an honorable person?

Don’t worry about if who you are interested in is honorable just yet. Let’s focus on you. Are you honorable? Do you know what it means to honor another person? Have you taken the time to reflect on where you are at in life and where you are going? What your values are? How your life aligns with God’s will?

The relationship between Ruth and Boaz works because they are both honorable people. You can’t expect to be with someone who is honorable if you are not also honorable.

Whatever you are seeking in a partner, turn that list back on yourself. If you want someone who is kind and gentle, be kind and gentle. If you want someone who is generous, be generous. You can’t expect qualities in others that you won’t work on in yourself.

And if you can’t approach a significant other from a place where you delight in honoring them, as Paul writes in Romans, then don’t date. Take some time to work that out. A lot of times, God wants to tend to us Himself, before bringing us to another person. Let Him draw out your best qualities.

Your future self, and spouse, will thank you.

Reputation

Ruth and Boaz both have a good reputation that precedes them. Everyone in the city speaks highly about Ruth (Ruth 2:11-12). Same with Boaz. When Naomi first tells Ruth about Boaz, she calls him worthy (Ruth 2:1). Boaz later confirms that he has seen Ruth’s reputation in action and believes her to be a respectable woman:

“I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”

— Ruth 3:11 (ESV)

So what about you? What is your reputation like?

If someone you liked were to ask your friends, family, coworkers, or past relationships about you, what would they hear? Have you left people better than you found them? Or do you leave a string of broken hearts and disappointment everywhere you go?

We can’t control how everyone thinks and feels about us, but we do get to decide what kind of a person we want to be. Do you want to be the kind of person who spreads joy, peace, patience, and kindness? Do you want your life to reflect Christ?

Maybe you haven’t been the best person in the past. That’s okay. God can redeem anything. And He wants to. Don’t let the mistakes and regrets of yesterday keep you from God’s promises. Repent and return to God, and He will return to you (Zechariah 1:3; Malachi 3:7).

Your reputation matters. Not just in dating—but in every aspect of your life. The Christ in you is someone’s hope of glory (Colossians 1:27).

The Harvest Takes Time

God has a proper and appointed time for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3). That includes your love story—and every other part of your story.

Because the book of Ruth is four short chapters and feels like a whirlwind romance, it’s easy to glance over this key verse:

“So she kept close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and wheat harvests.”

— Ruth 2:23 (ESV)

Ruth had to work an entire harvest season (anywhere from seven weeks to three months) before she could sit at the feet of her kinsman-redeemer, before she could receive her promises. According to Jewish law, remarriage was owed to her. It was custom. And yet, she still had to wait for it.

I want to encourage you friends, especially those who are in a season of waiting, to not lose heart. If you have a desire to be loved and married and have kids, know that those desires come from God. It can be painful to look around and see everyone else be fulfilled…while you show up to another wedding alone. I get it. I’ve been there. (I’m still there!)

But God does have a plan for your life. He’s either still growing you or growing your spouse. Don’t waste the waiting. Let God prune your expectations. Let Him cultivate spiritual gifts and fruit into your life.

God doesn’t give us desires that He doesn’t plan to fulfill. He will either change your heart or bring the right things to you, in their appointed time. His timing probably just looks a little different from yours. But He doesn’t ask you to wait out of spite. He asks you to wait because He knows His plans for you are better than the plans you have for yourself.

Resources

There are many podcasts, books, and general opinions on modern dating in the Christian realm. Here are some that I have liked:

Check out this podcast episode of The Basement with Tim Ross, “Let’s Talk Marriage”
Listen to Michael Todd’s sermon, Cuffed to the Cuddle
Read John Mark Comer’s Loveology or this classic, The Meaning of Marriage, by Timothy Keller

And the best resource? The Holy Spirit.

Ask Him what you should be doing and seeking during this season. Ask Him for permission before you ask someone out. Ask Him for guidance before you share your heart with someone.

Tune your ear to heaven, and let God whisper His mysteries to you. He has so much to share.